Josiane Keller’s Street Kids project is explored in three parts in this issue. Please look for the links below.
“Each reflection of myself echoes a different emotion at me – 20 Heroes from the City of Roses” by Josiane Keller arrived in CFile’s submission box and caused much excitement at CFile. It is a project that resulted in 20 ceramic portraits translated into 2D photographic images. The subjects were 15 street youths who were clients at p:ear, a support facility; three of its staff and two volunteers. It is one of the most exceptional submissions we have received and it is an entirely different way of looking at ceramics as art.
The transition from acceptance to publication usually takes a few weeks. This has taken a few months. It is because Keller and I have enjoyed a long, nuanced conversation about the plight of young homeless, aesthetic integrity, trust and ethics.
It began when I suggested doing a post with a selection of portraits. More than 20 images in one post with background material is simply too long for the web. “That is not acceptable,” she wrote back, “what if one of the kids comes across this post on the Internet, they spend some time there and scroll through to find they have not been included. What will it make them think? ‘I was not good enough, not interesting enough?’ They have had enough rejection in their lives.”
It was understandably all or nothing, so this post has evolved into three posts. After trying to write in greater depth about Keller’s art, I felt that the personal dynamics in her work required her voice so she was invited to write about this project as a Commentary. She has done so with modesty and intensity.
This and an accompanying post (find the links below) deals with the photography. This is not material meant for a drive-by viewing. The more time one spends with Keller’s art, the more a surreal and beautiful quality emerges, heightened by the poignancy of the subjects’ comments on their own lives. At times the emotional connection becomes intrusive and dizzying, made more so by the in-focus out-of-focus mix in the photographs themselves. And then there is a gritty texture of the images, as though they were composed of crushed coal. CFile is proud to publish this project. It was initiated by p:ear and was exhibited there in 2012.
Garth Clark is the Chief Editor of CFile.
Above image: Josiane Keller, Peter painted sitting with his friends (age 21), photograph of ceramic figure. All photographs by Josiane Keller.
“So… I smoked a lot of pot in high school, my stepdad was a cop, I got kicked out – I used various friends for a place to live, eventually I tried college, it was bad – I dropped out. I went to live with my aunt – she kicked me out. I sold my laptop from college. I moved to Key West Florida, I went to rainbow gatherings and ended up in Portland, Oregon.
“I now live at a transitional home, I get food stamps, when I was homeless I lived at the youth shelter. I minded my own business. OUTSIDE IN clinic helped me when I was ill. I moved to a moderate climate! I made some money selling clothes from free closets.
“For fun? Not much fun to be had then, but hanging out at p:ear.
“My friends were whoever was around and was ‘okay.’ Many times my friends here are a little bit psychotic. My family? I called ‘mom’ about once a month.
“Future? I just kept trying to improve my life.
“When I was homeless I was paranoid. VERY paranoid. I thought the government was following and hurting me with nano-robots. Too much library time was literally present in my life.
“I DID THE SAME THING EVERYDAY, FOR ALMOST SIX MONTHS!”
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Josiane Keller, Basha (age 20), photographs of ceramic figure
“I originally began supporting myself at 15 or 16, but worked full time and wasn’t homeless. I moved to San Francisco when I was 18 and did well having a catering business for hotels and hostels but began drinking heavily. I managed to stay off the streets there only because the places I cooked for would give me a hostel bed, but my alcoholism was slowly becoming apparent and disruptive. I traveled back and forth from Portland, OR to San Francisco and my cohering stories and the epic tolerance of my employer continued to keep me afloat.
“Eventually I was kicked out for acting very inappropriately in front of guests. I lived on the streets in SF till I got back to Portland. My mother quickly was horrified by my actions even though I went through detox and was staying sober. She then refused to see or talk to me and I began couch surfing here.
“I returned to San Francisco once more with some traveling kids and continued to drink heavily. I’m now back in Portland, trying to control my drinking and go to school, but have been blessed to get to stay with friends and couch surf.
“I just recently began school, but it only pays for tuition, so three days a week I go to school. Right now I stay with friends, so the seasons only affect the fact that it’s hard to get warm clothes. I try to eat healthy, so I go to local markets and ask if I can go through their compost, some health food stores let me take their rotten produce. I also can cook so I trade people a meal by cooking them one with their ingredients and I get to have a serving. I had a job for one month and saved all the money so I use that for emergencies. Before I started school I would fly a sign in San Francisco, but in Portland I try just to be resourceful, cause it’s harder to make money flying a sign and there’s a lot more resources here.
“Health has been a big issue for me this year because I had a lot of injuries, there is a free clinic, but I’ve had two infected wounds and its hard keeping them clean when you can’t control where you stay. I also had a concussion recently, which messed up my going to school. Now I spend most of my time playing music with friends but when I was sleeping on the street, all day was about getting enough alcohol to be able to sleep in the cold that night, and in terms of safety, booze made me not worry and I relied on the guy I was dating for safety. A lot has changed now, cause I can be alone at friends’ houses, so I hide out a lot.
“It’s interesting to have some stability now and be going to school because I thought it would be easier than when I was sleeping outside, but it’s been harder in a lot of ways. I go to massage school to become a licensed massage therapist. Everyone at my school has a really stable life style, it’s a small school and based on the profession there’s an expected level of cleanliness and professionalism. It’s probably the biggest reason I don’t ask for money on the street anymore, even though I need it. I’m scared someone from there will see me. I also put so much energy into finding clean clothes and being able to clean myself, but I get there and feel so dirty and uncomfortable, sometimes I just want to go back. If I mess up and drink the night before school I get terrified I smell like alcohol in my sweat. Once you suffered struggling how I have, being in a comfortable upper class environment makes you uncomfortable.
“My anxieties have been off the scale, I consistently feel dirty and like I have a secret in there, like I’m trying to act like something I’m not and they’ll find out. At least there’s a unity I had before in my struggle. Now I’m alone among my surroundings and it creates a strange shame.”
Josiane Keller, OX (age 21), photograph of ceramic figure
“I left because of an alcoholic step dad and fighting. Basically I just stay out of trouble.
“I’M A DRUMMER !!!!”
Josiane Keller, Cassi (age 25) and AJ, photograph of ceramic figure
Cassi: “I had a job as a lube tech for about 5 months when I fell into a depression and quit my job. I then tried many sales jobs and failed to get rent up for my apartment. I ended up getting evicted on Oct. 4th, then couch-surfed for two months. When I couldn’t find another couch to crash on I ended up in a winter warming shelter.
“I was in shelter for a little less than a month when I found out I was pregnant. I am now 4 ½ months and going back to community college on April 2nd.
“As far as food I frequent feeding places as well as have food stamps. Until March 31st I am in winter warming shelter. For safety I am with my fiancée during the day. I have (health) insurance because I’m pregnant. Money, sometimes I do surveys, fun I don’t really know. Friends & family as far as I am concerned is my fiancée, the unborn child and me. For my future I am going back to college.
“I have a fear that I won’t be good enough to be this child’s mother.”
A.J.: “Couldn’t find a job, so my parents kicked me out. Went to go live with my fiancé until we got evicted, then we couch surfed for two months. Then after that I went to live in a men’s winter warming shelter.
“Still looking for work and thinking about going back to school in the fall.
“For food I go to feeding places and have food stamps. I sleep in a men’s warming shelter. Safety is my fists. For health I go to OUTSIDE IN. Money I sometimes do surveys. Fun I walk. Friends and family as far as I am concerned is my fiancé, our unborn child and me.
“My future is still uncertain.
“I hope that we get into a better situation and hope I will be a great dad.”
Josiane Keller, BEASLEY (age 21), photographs of ceramic figure
“I became a follower of my peers and friends. I hardly had any opinions of my own. I had this image of what a successful person should look, act or appear and tried to duplicate that personality as opposed to being myself. Now I see myself as my own person trying to lead my peers into what I believe to be the right direction.
“I put myself out in the workforce and I try to let people use me for my skills and talents to keep me occupied so I won’t fall into following people again.
“As far as food goes I never had to worry about starving. Food has never been of huge concern to me. I always manage to obtain food some way. Currently I am staying in a shelter where there other kids in a similar situations as I am.
“Lately I’ve been thinking about flying. Not in an airplane but like a flying squirrel. I’ve been imagining myself soaring and gliding over tree-tops and looking down at the earth and all of its beauty.”
Josiane Keller, THE COON (age 21), photograph of ceramic figure
“I had a job and an apartment. I thought I was doing pretty well. Then at basically the same time I lost my job and found out I was getting evicted. My grandparents said I could stay with them for a short while but I could not live with them.
“Luckily I already knew about the homeless youth programs from friends. I try to couch-surf as much as possible so I don’t have to sleep outside. I go to homeless youth agencies to get meals and personal hygiene items. I have friends who are every close knit. We like to go to the Yamhill Pub when we have money and drink beer. I am vegan, and I have been lucky enough to have vegan food provided for me.
“I hate the uncertainty of being homeless. I hate not knowing where my life is going.”
Josiane Keller, CHICO KING (age 16), photograph of ceramic figure
“Well, it was my choice, because I don’t really get along with mom, so I made the choice to leave.
“Food I provide for through p:ear, panhandling money and food kick-downs. I sleep in door-ways and on occasion in motels. Safety is my friends, myself and brass knuckles. Health: however possible. Seasons: by sticking through. Money: panhandling, and however possible. I hang out with my friends.
“I was walking on the 101 highway and I had a cigarette, a weed pipe, no lighter, money to buy a lighter. Then I looked on the ground and saw a box of matches. I open it and find two chronic nugs, so beautiful, so I just kept walking and came across a store, so I bought a lighter… I left the store, went under a bridge and smoked my pot and then my cigarette.
“My day was perfect!!!“
Josiane Keller, MICHAEL (age 21), photograph of ceramic figure
“I had complications with financial aid. I lived with my mom until about 20, she paid my rent for nearly a year (she only offered to pay for three months, but she’s cool), and then I moved into PORCHLIGHT, a JANUS YOUTH SHELTER.
“But I’m about to start getting financial aid this term. So now I’m about to be
BUENO.
GUT.
VIEL SPASS.
AUZGEZEICHNET
“Most days I eat two or three meals at OUTSIDE IN, NEW AVENUES FOR YOUTH (both part of the whole JANUS YOUTH /HOMELESS YOUTH CONTINUUM THING), or p:ear. I also have food stamps, donate plasma and work at Labor Ready when I’m not at PCC. I’m a physics major. And I go to the library and play chess at Pioneer Square.
“I have a black shoulder cat with white bib and mittens. Ironically, considering the bib, named ‘Blackbeard.'”
Josiane Keller, COOKIE (age 20), photograph of ceramic figure
“My father and I lived in a Native American reservation and to make money he had me cook and sell meth and then around 15 I decided I was done and traveled and cooked, so that was why I ended up on the streets.
“Currently I’m enrolled at PCC Sylvania studying chemistry. I’ve been using financial aid and to survive I sleep in trans-housing-places and to make money I sell some drugs on the side.
“The whole reason things have changed for me is I have no distractions.
“My street name is ‘Cookie’ (lol), for cooking meth and I’m in rehab, trying to get clean. I’ve been clean for six months. I quit drug dealing and cooking, I started going to NARA or Native American Rehab Association doing Native sweat lodges and went through getting into school. This is my second term.
“I’m happy finally, because people that use respect for what I’m doing and back off and on top of that I haven’t fought someone for two months.”
Josiane Keller, Charlie (age 21), photographs of ceramic figure
“I moved out at the age of 18 and moved to Portland, Oregon. I’m 21 now and before I was on the streets at 16 to 17 as well as my whole life has been rocky. (…)
“But I wanted to experience a new life and to understand the world in, well, a different eye (way of looking at things). Yeah, it’s a hard life, but it can be great at times. (…)
“I used to have food stamps but lost them. I forgot to re-register. So now I either go to shelters where they feed. Sleeping place depends if I have money for a hotel or if I don’t have money I sleep in doorways. My fiancée looks after me; I go to a health care facility that is free.
“Money-wise I sometimes find people that want work done like in the summer and in the winter I ask people for extra change. Friends are my family.
“My future is not certain.
“I hope to have a better life with my fiancée than the streets and get married and settle down.”
Visit Part II of the Project on CFile
Read Josiane Keller’s Commentary on CFile
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